scrapbooking.... visual journaling

 Awhile ago a friend said to me "why do you do this hobby? i think it's a ridiculous thing to do... i mean, i guess it's great that you like to do it and all but i don't get it."

and this really got me thinking. why DO i scrapbook? the thought knocked around in my head all winter  without coming to a truly satisfying answer. now, i haven't done any scrapbooking all season... i've been too busy to make time to do something i was questioning. today, though, the urge hit me. i got out my books & was flipping through the pages, trying to "see where i was" when i realized just why it is that i do this. gratitude. i know it might sound strange but, for me, it's all about gratitude. i tend to lose sight of exactly how amazingly wonderful my life is if i'm not reminded to be grateful. as i looked back over the photos & read the journaling i just felt a wave of sweet, warm calm wash over me. this is my life. it is wonderful! all those little moments captured... things that i definitely would've forgotten, like lars running around with the wii remote just laughing his head off. or when we dyed sami's hair red & it was SOOOO cool. the light in any given season. the unknown blaze orange flower in the garden. chives. tricycles. cousins. cookies. rainstorms. bbqs.  little things like that. we always remember the big stuff... but i think it's the day to day things that really help remind us that life is good all the time, even when it's hard or dreary or boring.  so that is why i scrapbook... to hold the gratitude for a wonderful life in my hands & say "look. it is good."

moonlight on the snow

      i have this friend.... and she loves winter. and i mean loves! she always talks about how beautiful it is & how she can't wait & how excited she is at the prospect of it. i know, it's crazy right?! but, when everyone else is bemoaning the snow & bluster & ice & cold.... she is giddy and perfectly happy in the purest way usually reserved for small children. her enthusiasm is catching and i have found within myself a deep, abiding love for the season that must have always been there just waiting to be recognized.
the thrill of that first whiff of snow on the cold air.
the excitement of the first flakes coming down.
the beauty of an unspoiled expanse of white.
the coziness of snow days, all tucked up nice and safe and warm in your own little home while the wind howls outside your door.
the extraordinarily brisk feeling of being really alive you get when you've been out in the cold and you come in, stomping the snow off your feet & sniffing against the tingle in your nose.
the comfort of warm food.
the magical wonderment of a still, moonlit winters night.
      and that's what hit me last night. as darkness fell, the moon rose & cast it's ethereal glow over the world.  the snow & ice glittered in the cold stillness of the night, the bare trees standing in silhouette against the orange glow in the sky where a small bank of clouds hovered just over the lights of our tiny town. the swatches of pale moonlight coming in at the windows and lighting the house in a way unusual and yet somehow familiar. a hidden world of wonder that most are unaware of... or asleep for. a world almost lost amidst modern conveniences and the strain of growing up.  and last night as i stood in my dark, warm house looking out at the beauty that lay before me i felt that childlike sense of wonder and delight.... it's something you realize you've lost somewhere along the way only when you see someone else with it. and i sent out a silent thank you to my friend.

roadtrips.....

this is were it all started.... or very near here anyways.

as a small child i remember going for walks and riding around with my family & ending up in various rather neat spots...
like the old 76 station at the top of the hill were you could buy a strawberry crush before going to sit out on the embankment & count the cars going by on the hiway.
like the dirt road in front of my grandparents place that could take you down and around in a leisurely manner, under the birch trees whose canopies touched overhead...  past all the neighbors with their velvet-y lawns tucked back in to the woodlands, each place an oasis just glimpsed thru trees from the road...all the way down to peter's creek where you could go over the sturdy old wooden bridge that seemed so plainly constructed and so natural in it's place, all overgrown with moss, that i would lay on my stomach and try to look underneath to see what it was made of.  so close to & yet so safe from the rush of cold water hurrying away below. ready to jump up & brush off the dust and bits at the sound of an approaching car... marveling at the fact that that magic amalgam of logs, stones, dirt and wood could support the weight of a *whole car*. a whole car!

and like the steep grass covered gravel banks further up the road where the poppies bloomed. a whole hillside of them...wonderfully huge bowls of the most glowing-ly transparent red. they seemed so delicate with their crepe paper petals & hairy little buds nodding on the ends of rather long stalks.... so amazing and unlikely, such a testament to the winsomeness of life that, even then, it struck me.

and like the gravel patch were we parked and walked back  along the train tracks and over the train bridge...an adventure for my young self. we walked along, trying not to look down to the spaces in between the ties where there just wasn't anything...{risking life & limb!} to visit cousins at their cabin in the woods and eat bear stew.
like the airport road, with it's view out across the water & to the mountains beyond, where my dad & i would go and watch the planes take off & land at the local airport...the pilots learning to do "touch and go's"...the drone of mosquitos almost as loud as the planes engines droning above.... and the little creek on the way there where he pointed out a mink to me one day.

like the edges of the roads all over with horsetail grasses, their rainbow heads waving in the breeze, and the wild chamomile growing amongst the gravel & the dust...the ruts &tracks in the mud of the dirt roads that were different all the time. learning to see who or what passed through on this very same stretch of dirt....walking together and exclaiming over all our "finds"...there was a wealth of interesting-ness in the dirt & the ditches.  bottle caps from sodas i'd never tasted, little bits of shiny rock or glass and the occasional treasure find. a pocket knife. a small compact mirror, unbroken. tadpoles in a puddle. a bush of rosehips not obviously belonging to anyone in particular. fishing tackle. you never know what you might find when you strike out on the road!


yes maam...the romance of the road... the thrill of seeing something new & wonderous!
it's in my blood. :)
it's a part of my spirit.

and, since i am living the good life in the spot i'm in...and have been in,  for 10 years... roadtrips are how i find my wonderment.
my sense of awesomeness.
that feeling that eveything could really be all right in the world after all... that it's all still out there.
the flowers.
the creatures.
the sunrises and sunsets.
the rivers
the mountains.
the plains.
the family and friends.
the down vests and the campfires.
the magic.
waiting for us to come and see it.
weither it be down the block or across the country.... it's out there.

just down the road.

 

thought for the day....

"it's good work, if you can get it."

i have been saying this for awhile now.  it's become part of my life.
my little happiness mantra.

it's good work if you can get it.

to me it has always been how i feel about getting to be a stay at home mom & do all of the things that i love to do. about building a life....real life.
{with friends & family & love & teaching & learning & art & yummy food...}
and then today i was commenting on how i would love to go back to alaska and the difference between being tired & being good and tired.  you know, the difference between when you lay around all day & when you get up & DO something?
and all of a sudden it  made a sudden shift in meaning in my mind....
it's good work if you can-
get it  {understand, savvie, comprehend on another level, have a lightbulb moment} kinda get it.
rather than get it  {obtain, receive, acquire, luck into, fall into your lap} kinda get.

*bing*

like how math used to be this horrible, looming THING in my life...i hated math. all those fractions & percents & decimals...{ oh my!} *hated.*  hated to have to do math because i didn't GET it..... and then one day when i was like, thirty, lol  i discovered that i didn't hate math anymore cause i was starting to get it. somewhere along the line, what with trying to help sami with her homework and all of my scrapbooking & bookbinding & sewing & all that measuring & adjusting... i had just done it so much of it that it was finally starting to come to me.
hmmmmm.


so today it occures to me that maybe life is good work.... if you can get it.

after christmas every year i inevitably begin to feel the closeness of the weather induced psuedo hibernation that comes around in the dead of winter...ie January in minnesota, start to kick in. but this year there has been somthing more. in the midst of what will surely go down in the annals of "our story" as one of the most trying debacles we have ever faced, i have discovered a certain kind of love for our little house...all warm within & cozy looking, inviting you to come in & be enveloped...with all the hot tea, comfy spots & snarky comments that make it not only a house but a home. full every day of this colorful, chaotic wonderful blunder of things that we find ourselves wading though to get to the good stuff...to the laughter around the supper table...to the boredom SO unbearable that the 15 year old daughter is reduced to hanging out with her parents just to survive (oh! *the humanity!!!!*)...to the boy starting to talk & his papa getting to be here every day to see it....to, you know? just all the lovely parts! i am in love with this dysfunctional house & this dysfunctional life...so, my new years resolution this year is to hold that thought.






all year!
happy january :)

*oh and those cars...all lined up OCD fashion on the back of the sofa? lars did it. lol

getting on with it.....

in all my life i'm not sure i will ever be able to believe my own good luck.

we get to stay.

life at 719 Abercrombie will go on as usual.

well, maybe not as usual. not for me anyways.

looking right in the face of having to move out of your home makes you look around.

look around & see what it is you have for sure.

{life.love.family.togetherness.}

look around & see what you could go without

and what you would never leave behind.

i was up for it either way it turned out...but i'm so glad we get to stay.

bring on the seed catalogs!!!!

so there i was....

 {spitting on my fish trying to keep it alive...}

what? oh sorry, wrong line  lol

so no really

 there i was,

....standing in the basement in my winter boots.

watching the water in the basement drain NOT go down.

...on stand-by, waiting to alert josh,

 (who was outside in the freezing temperatures roto-rooter-ing the sewer line to no avail)

to any changes in the situation.

zoning out.

 half way listening to the christmas music emanating from the computer.

looking but not really seeing the slideshow screensaver.

when suddenly, some combination of music & image serving to reach through the fog & wake me up... .

and as i see the photos slowly pan, zoom & fade across the screen.

 photos from the past year

unfiltered by which ones were favorites,

 the program selecting them truely at random,

goofy postures & closed eyes notwithstanding....i realize how lucky i am.

blessed.

 to be here, to love & be loved, to have family & friends.

to have all this...

  everything i have ever dreamed of & so much more that i could not have even imagined in my wildest dreams.

happy holidays.

it snows......

i love the quality of light in the house when it's snowing & there is snow on the ground.
it's almost magical...
there's something about the way it comes in.
there's a glow to it
& the way it changes the colors...
it makes you ::look:: not just see.

it fills me with a quiet sense of right-ness. it conjures images of homemade bread, bean soup &huddling around the woodstove, arms outstretched & fingers splayed, soaking in the heat.

feelings of warm comfort.

scarves, mittens & blankets on the couch...warm & snuggly.

of the conspiritorial whispering of holiday secrets.

of board games with the family on long, dark evenings.
laughing together...passing the time.

of midnight trysts in the gently falling snow, walking together hand in mittened hand.

.happy winter.

it's all starting to come back to me now.....

finally....
something i WANT to work on!
the aforementioned blahs are beginning to fall away
and little blips of creativity or starting to show up on my radar...
like a barely detectable but growing heartbeat.

today this just came OUT... kind of on accident.
i'm gonna run with it :)

blah bla-blah blah blah....

I am having a serious case of the Blahs.
i don't know why... wish i wasn't.
but i am.
i feel like the picture above, grey and lumpy & kinda stormy!
i have tried pulling myself up by the bootstraps...
i have tried "tough love", telling myself i am silly for feeling this way & to just put on my big girl panties and get over it.
i have tried to focus on all the wonderful things in my life.
i have tried pampering myself.
i've tried chocolate...
hot tea...
comfort food...
playing with the baby...
lovin on my joshie...
studio time...
hottub...

but..... nothin.
zip.
zilch.
nada.
the blahs just keep creeping in.
the unsinkable, unshakable blahs.

on being self-centered...

oh my god! and not like omg...but falling to my knees saying "oh!... my god!"

 in my daily perusing of blog-y goodness i ran across this...
{click here}

i *so* needed to hear these words!

i have a fifteen year old daughter, a fifteen month old son, a ton of emotional baggage

& a burning desire to make it all work.

i am living my dream.

getting to be a housewife & a mother is what i have always wanted from life.

 but i find myself spending alot of time in my studio being "selfish".

creating & playing, spending lots of time on me.

i have learned that i really need this time though,

time to keep myself somewhat sane,

balanced, so that i can perform for my family the various multitude of daily tasks that need doing.

because we all know...

if i don't do these things they don't get done! lol

so it is really uplifting to think that i just might be on to something.

{maybe self is the center of balance?}

i think i'm gonna go play in my room!

the most up-ended sideways day...

Last night we had a *hard* freeze. we dropped down to 24 degrees. this morning, i drove lars down to his aunties to drop him off before i went off to my {second} first day of work at the scrapbook store & the amazing quality of the day hit me.
it was sunny, finally, after what had started to seam like never-ending rain. everything was frosty. sparkling. quiet. still....except the leaves from some of the trees. *they* were flying, not falling, dripping from the trees like gilded paper. turning and turning as they fell . you could hear it, the mass exodus of these leaves, like a dance done in bare feet through fields of sunlite grass. touched by magic.
as i drove to work i noticed the pine trees on someones lawn had their own frost shadows. the morning sun had already melted the frost from everywhere except those pine tree shadows. you could see them there on the ground, each dark shadow outlined by a hazy nimbus of frost. all lined up like they usually are on minnesota farms, the lawn in between well kept & now glittering with melted frost. i was giddy with the beauty & singularity of the day, honored to be witness to the glory.

the rest of the day passed....better than some, worse than others. busy, crazy, flurry of a day with its own little joys & frustrations. yummy coffee, happy customers, sick daughter, no lunch, inconsiderate people, pinchy shoes, good conversation, grown-up interaction, missing my boy, long drive home, naked trees, comfy jammies, arg! no milk, dressed & driving again, laundry, finally food....and a big comfy chair...and a blanket. life is good.
then it started snowing. on the ninth of october.
snowing like mad.

what a day... an up-ended sideways day.
 i hope all of my tomorrows are as interesting & full of sensations as this one was.

the long season begins

                                                                                                                                                                                        as i sit in my (now warm) house enjoying the fruits of my (now fixed) furnace, i think back to last week when i took lars on a walk.... and how, as we strolled, i was struck by the strange duality of early evening on an

indian summers day...the bright, bright sunlight & the long shadows.... the fading heat of the day mingled with the promised crispness of the night to come...it was a tangible feeling...a smell almost...a girl flirting with someone out of the corner of her eye.

that was the last nice day...after that it turned cold & rainy & windy. the season has turned. fall is here.

my lost boy...

jordan




yesterday was his birthday.
he turned 12.

that's ten birthdays now.

i miss him. i love him.


i wish...
i wish i could wish him happy birthday.

progress!

got sams quilt all layed out...its turned out really close to what i had in mind. i ended up with more blue/green/purples than reds & such but i still think it looks really neat. also, its way bigger than i thought so i don't think i'm going to put a border on it...if i do it will just be a little one & then the binding.
nothing like fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants quilt planning! lol

the glowing squares are the slippery fabric & when its all layed out like this it looks like sparkly facets...its a really cool effect!
i was going to sew this all in rows but now i'm thinkin that it might be easier to sew 4 squares together to make a bigger square then sew the bigger squares together...
hmmmm....
it's going to drive me cross-eyed trying to keep all those tiny squares & their seams all lined up! lol

my boys... :)

*this is a really great pic of josh...he didn't know i had the camera & he was smiling at lars' antics!*

on a roll....

here are {most of} the 36 fabrics we picked out for sams quilt...

and here... {after 2 afternoons of measuring & cutting & ironing} are four hundred & twenty 3.5 inch squares of said fabrics. the small pile on the side is all of the "slippery" fabrics. i *hate* sewing/cutting/pinning/dealing with slippery fabrics...but they *are* pretty and we *do* likes them..... >.<

here is everything together so you can kindof get the gist of the quilt idea... we have decided to make it more like a throw with a flannel back but no batting & i will embroider all over it instead of just quilting it. sam already has a quilt that she loves so i wanted this to be something else to love rather than a usurper of quilt loves lol

btw....lars *really* dislikes being trapped in the livingroom for this process.

gotta love volunteers!

this is a wonderful dill plant that is growing, unsolicited, in my backyard. a volunteer. 3' tall. beautiful & fractal.
*each little flower cluster looks just like the bigger flower cluster that it is part of*

today is....

sam found this really cool rock while we were out in Montana...we had gone for a rock-hounding walk down by the river & we both found lots of neat stuff but this was THE find of the day, in my opinion anyways! she only agreed to give it to me when i told her i would make a necklace out of it...so here it is.
i wanted it to look like a primitive bead strand...almost an amulet type feeling...
it turned out just like i had imagined & i love it!

some fun little earrings to go with the necklace.

the {now infamous} orange scarf...i have been working on this since last fall.
josh teases me so bad about how long its taking me...he says that by the time i get it done i won't need it because hell will have frozen over...lol
i am really kickin it into high gear though... i really want it done for this year!

little mister in his new scarf...he actually likes to wear it! i was a bit trepidatious as to whether or not he would leave it on but he actually seems to flaunt it a little :)

let me bring you up to speed... part 1

my "new" bicycle...(not pictured-the bike trailer Joshie bought me so I can tool around town!)

lars turns 1...

dining room is complete...

Aunt Cathy & Mom come to visit...

yellowstone river, north of glendive, montana

makoshika state park

ok ok so i've been "gone" forever..but i've been busy!
I have been posting pics & what-not over on facebook & have been neglecting my poor little blog, I know.
it has been a busy summer though...
visits from family & friends
visits TO family & friends
camping
hiking
biking
gardening
scrapbooking
you know...living!
:)