Wednesday, October 28, 2009

blah bla-blah blah blah....


I am having a serious case of the Blahs.
i don't know why... wish i wasn't.
but i am.
i feel like the picture above, grey and lumpy & kinda stormy!
i have tried pulling myself up by the bootstraps...
i have tried "tough love", telling myself i am silly for feeling this way & to just put on my big girl panties and get over it.
i have tried to focus on all the wonderful things in my life.
i have tried pampering myself.
i've tried chocolate...
hot tea...
comfort food...
playing with the baby...
lovin on my joshie...
studio time...
hottub...

but..... nothin.
zip.
zilch.
nada.
the blahs just keep creeping in.
the unsinkable, unshakable blahs.
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Monday, October 12, 2009

on being self-centered...



oh my god! and not like omg...but falling to my knees saying "oh!... my god!"
 in my daily perusing of blog-y goodness i ran across this...
{click here}
i *so* needed to hear these words!
i have a fifteen year old daughter, a fifteen month old son, a ton of emotional baggage
& a burning desire to make it all work.

i am living my dream.

getting to be a housewife & a mother is what i have always wanted from life.

 but i find myself spending alot of time in my studio being "selfish".
creating & playing, spending lots of time on me.

i have learned that i really need this time though,
time to keep myself somewhat sane,
balanced, so that i can perform for my family the various multitude of daily tasks that need doing.
because we all know...
if i don't do these things they don't get done! lol
so it is really uplifting to think that i just might be on to something.
{maybe self is the center of balance?}

i think i'm gonna go play in my room!

Friday, October 9, 2009

the most up-ended sideways day...

Last night we had a *hard* freeze. we dropped down to 24 degrees. this morning, i drove lars down to his aunties to drop him off before i went off to my {second} first day of work at the scrapbook store & the amazing quality of the day hit me.
it was sunny, finally, after what had started to seam like never-ending rain. everything was frosty. sparkling. quiet. still....except the leaves from some of the trees. *they* were flying, not falling, dripping from the trees like gilded paper. turning and turning as they fell . you could hear it, the mass exodus of these leaves, like a dance done in bare feet through fields of sunlite grass. touched by magic.
as i drove to work i noticed the pine trees on someones lawn had their own frost shadows. the morning sun had already melted the frost from everywhere except those pine tree shadows. you could see them there on the ground, each dark shadow outlined by a hazy nimbus of frost. all lined up like they usually are on minnesota farms, the lawn in between well kept & now glittering with melted frost. i was giddy with the beauty & singularity of the day, honored to be witness to the glory.

the rest of the day passed....better than some, worse than others. busy, crazy, flurry of a day with its own little joys & frustrations. yummy coffee, happy customers, sick daughter, no lunch, inconsiderate people, pinchy shoes, good conversation, grown-up interaction, missing my boy, long drive home, naked trees, comfy jammies, arg! no milk, dressed & driving again, laundry, finally food....and a big comfy chair...and a blanket. life is good.
then it started snowing. on the ninth of october.
snowing like mad.

what a day... an up-ended sideways day.
 i hope all of my tomorrows are as interesting & full of sensations as this one was.
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