and now, some deep thoughts.... by jenn hippe

here it is, early morning.

clear, cold february morning.

the boy is still asleep at 7:57 am, a small miracle.
i have had my coffee & done my finances for the week.
i get to go shopping later today for some things we've been needing.
the house is clean & most of the laundry is done.
the weekend is almost here.
all is right with the world.

looking at my blog and, as i read back through the posts i am struck by a thought.
a deep thought.
remember that old SNL skit?
i do.
and i laugh at myself.


and so, here's to onward & upward, being happy every day and to deep thoughts.

Breakfast with Lars...

   Had  a loverly breakfast with my boy this morning. At his behest I joined him at his "yittol tay-vul".(little table in lars-speak) so sweet! I put together a little space for him after we took the tree down. the cupboard behind the little bookshelf is his secret spot.  oh yeah.... That funnel? One of Sams friends put in on her head once and that was all it took, the "party hat" was born. It has been a hat, a megaphone, a great bath toy, a basket... basically just a wonderful open ended toy. It is one of his all time favorites.

Also today, we have cousin in the house. These two are such buddies. People always think they are twins. They play, they fight, they laugh & be silly. They have the cutest love/hate relationship. It's probably as close as Lars will get to a sibling relationship seeing as how Sami is 14 years older than him.  Was dreading having TWO high speed littles at the same time but it's been a blast. I joined them for lunch and we all took turns reading books out loud. I haven't enjoyed lunch with kids that much in a long time. These are the  times that make all the other times worth it. 

aaaaaaaaaand, we're back.

so yeah, i've been gone.
 i had so much going on i had nothing to talk about. or was it that i had no time to talk about it? well, at any rate, i'm back. for today at least. right now, i'm gearing up for our second annual  winter camp getaway. it's this weekend & i wanted to make something fun for the girls. i've been trying to think of something & this morning i saw some really fun "scrap books", little hand bound notebooks made from scraps of scrapbook papers. wow. that's a lot of scraps. anywho, i got hungy whilst brain-storming and made myself THE yummiest cheese crisp ever. here's how i did it...
    throw a tortilla in a frying pan over med high heat.... slather some minced garlic right into the tortilla, a little salt, a sprinkle of cheese (i used marble jack), then fresh spinach & salsa verde... cover & cook till the tortilla is crisp, the cheese is melted & the spinach is wilty. i served it up, to myself, with a little dollop of sour cream. so good! if you wanted to kick it up a notch you could add some artichoke hearts or jalepenos. or both.  mmmmmmmm.

iv'e got lots more to share... see you around!

balance?

i had a revelation today.
a staggering epiphany as it were.

    i was sitting downstairs when i looked at the clock and saw it was 8:30. hmmmmmm, lars is usually up by 8:30... maybe i just didn't hear him.
    and this is where my hands go all cold and get clammy. and i get that funny tight feeling around my heart & my stomach drops out... no. i'm sure he's fine. i get up to go check. {deep breaths.} composing myself as i fake a calm i don't feel. the agony of the question... what if he's not? ungh. be strong. he is. he's fine, it's ok.... but....?
and that was when it hit me. i stopped right there on the stairs.

                        i realized just exactly why it is that i worry.

                 i worry so that bad things don't happen *unexpectedly*.

    bad things happen. you can't avoid that. like a snake in the grass, they spring out at you. but, if you familiarize yourself with the snakes habits & habitats, this knowledge is power and it follows that, armed with this knowledge, one can at least avoid the shock of surprise.... right?
    like cosmic reverse psychology... if i expect the worst & anything better than *that* happens? well then i am free to be gloriously giddy and happy about life in general. well, all except for those horrifying & crippling moments that is.
    now, i've always been a worry-er and had accepted it as part of my nature. but my definition of "bad things" expanded by exponential proportions after charlotte died.
    before, bad things were getting a ticket, losing my wallet or rain on my day off. after, things were much different... darker & scarier. bad things now are terrible car accidents, losing my family & my home, my young son choking or falling, getting terribly and irrevocably hurt, my teenage daughter committing suicide or running away, incurable diseases.... terrible, terrifyingly vivid things that come, unbidden, in an instant and leave me shaken.

 obviously this is a flawed system. i definitely need to mull over these new insights.... seems some balance is in order.

 for mothers day this year my little family honored me with some wonderful gifts... gifts that are so much more than the object they physically are. sami gave me time spent laughing together (which is so important to a mother of  a teenaged girl), almost an hour of distracting the the brother at the greenhouse so i could perambulate & browse & choose some new lovelies for my garden AND one of her wonderful heart/spirit paintings. josh presented me with my very own and oft longed for serger machine... and time to putter in the garden in peace. all so very important things in a mothers life. the tools of my trade really... flowers and plants to beautify our outdoor spaces, art for the indoors, a useful tool to beautify my house and hopefully our bodies with lovingly made fun things from the studio... and the peace of mind and spirit to enjoy it all!

on knitting....

i am always struck by the same-ness of it.

knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit...
pushing, turning, pulling & pushing again.
the cadence sooths and comforts.
the timeless, ancient monotony of the movements.

i find camaraderie in doing the work.

it's like looking into a mirror, from a mirror.

you can see the one before...
and the one before her.

an unbroken thread back through time connecting every maker.
stitch by stitch we weave the fabric that encompasses our lives, our families.

the millions of stitches i will make in my life.
the fabric i will create.

sturdy fabric for duty.
solid stitches parked tightly one next to another... little guardians against the cold of the prairie.

wisps of lace for pleasure, the airy stitches begetting a lofty cloud of comfort and luxury.

scarves, hats, mittens, slippers, shawls, throws...
tiny little bits for babies and big, long scarves for uncles.
toys and baubles, adornments and accouterments.
fabric to clothe, decorate and delight.

for my mom

‘You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.’

CHINESE PROVERB

i love you.

i miss you.

i wish it could be different.

keep your hair free of nests ok?